Your Best Lent Ever! (2022 Edition)
Volume XXVI, Number 4
March 1, 2022
Dear Friends, Old and New,
My only purpose is to help you begin your Lent well. And yes, this message includes our famous, scary, and comprehensive Ultimate Lent List.
Your Best Lent Ever!Let us begin with...a conceit. Huh? A what? As some of us may recall from English class in the olden days, a conceit, according to the fourth definition of the third meaning of the noun in Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary, is (drumroll please): "an organizing principle."
A Lent well-lived needs an organizing principle. May we suggest that your conceit for this Lent be:
Go for it!
Don't Waste Another LentWe only have so many years on this earth, and to waste another Lent (you know who you are—I'm guilty, too) is just plain subpar for a believing Catholic. Challenge yourself spiritually in 2022.
Choose difficult mortifications. Give up your most favorite things. Fast more often than ever before. Commit to more devotions. Serve more people in need. Lose sleep and get up early. Give alms until you feel true discomfort.
Ignore Modernist PropagandaBy the way, all the lazy, ridiculous modernist propaganda to not give up anything for Lent in recent decades and instead "just be nice and help people" is lazy, ridiculous modernist propaganda designed to rationalize not doing anything for Lent. We all know it.
Mortification—prayer, fasting, sacrificial good works, giving up things we love—is a very positive way of walking with Jesus, who did these things, taught his apostles to do them, and gave up His very life by being beaten, whipped, tortured, and crucified.
More Catholic than a PopeThis is the only time of year when it is, in fact, a good idea to be more Catholic than a pope. So plan today, right now, to look back upon Easter Sunday 2022 knowing that you did your very best to grow closer to Jesus and to help Him save souls.
Do not squander another Lent!
"I Can't Give That Up!"Some of you are motivated. Some of you are groaning. Others are nodding (hopefully in agreement, not off into sleep). Many stopped reading after the word conceit.
And, now, for our famous Ultimate Lent list, updated for 2022. It includes many contributions from your fellow CatholiCity Citizens over the past thirteen years. The goal is to prompt you to exclaim: "Oh no, not that! I can't give that up!"
Yeah, we're looking for the perfect Oh-No-Not-That because this year our conceit is: Go. For. It.
And remember, there is no prohibition from "doubling" up, or choosing three, five, or seven things for Your Best Lent Ever.
We know that many of you have been intending to get off your duffs and do several of the following for years (and even decades—you know who you are).
Print it out. Highlight your choices. Share and discuss with family members or your best friend.
I can only offer this bold encouragement because I am weak, slothful, sinful, selfish, vain, lazy, prideful, ashamed, guilty, and cowardly.
So here is the Ultimate Lent List, followed by helpful hints for children, something about death, and inspiring quotes.
THE ULTIMATE LENT LIST
1. Pray the Rosary every day.
2. Receive Communion at Mass every day.
3. Go to Confession every Friday or once a week.
4. Pray the Family Rosary every day or once a week.
5. Pray the Stations of the Cross every Friday.
6. Pray in silence 15 minutes a day.
7. Make a Eucharistic visit every day.
8. Pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet every day.
9. Fast on bread and water one to three times per week.
10. Read a spiritual book (Do my novels count? You decide).
11. Give a painfully large donation to charity.
11b. Try adding an extra "zero" when you write the check.
12. Donate to charity instead of buying something for yourself.
13. Pray "Jesus, I love you!" in the first waking seconds of the day.
14. Listen to Catholic talks during your commute.
15. Do romantic or sacrificial things to improve your marriage.
16. Volunteer anywhere: at your kid's school, homeless shelter, etc.
17. Visit a home for the elderly.
18. Read a Gospel or all four Gospels.
19. Memorize ten favorite Bible verses.
20. Join an Exodus Lent group.
21. Did we mention fasting one to three times a week?
22. Put affordable Mary Foundation materials in parishes.
23. Read The Warning, a wake-up call for sinners (especially you).
24. Oh, why not? Pray in silence for an hour every day.
25. Set more time aside to be with your spouse, children, grandchildren.
26. Choose someone you have difficulty getting along with, or someone who needs extra love, and treat them daily or weekly with special kindness.
27. Evangelize strangers with prayer stickers.
28. Pray the Daily Prayers to Save America.
29. Do Father Boughton's 33 Days of Forgiveness spiritual exercise.
30. Encourage a different loved one via text or phone call each day.
31. Participate in your local 40 Days for Life vigils.
32. Watch The Passion of the Christ movie.
Or give up something you absolutely love, crave, or spend time on, or that annoys others, including:
• lying
• your cellphone (or texting, shopping online, social media, etc.)
• your favorite television show
• television before a certain hour
• television after a certain hour
• eating while watching television
• coffee or tea (yes, coffee)
• Starbuck's, Dunkin, etc.
• caffeine in any form
• soda (or diet soda)
• donuts
• hamburgers
• pizza (yes, pizza)
• chocolate
• anything with chocolate flavor
• all snacks or desserts
• going to movies or streaming movies
• non-essential Internet
• March Madness
• following your favorite sports team
• video games
• slouching
• gambling (legal or otherwise)
• celebrity magazines
• golf (an objectively grave moral evil...only kidding)
• booze (yes, booze)
• a destructive, irresistible "friendship"
• foul language
• crude language
• picking your nose
• showing up late
• losing your temper (difficult, but it can be done)
• not grooming properly
• not wearing the Brown Scapular
• not flossing every day (yuck!)
• sports, music, or talk radio
• fantasy sports
• restaurants
• your beard (or, grow one)
• eating lunch outside of work
• driving when you could walk
• sleeping in late
• hitting the Snooze Button in the morning
• fast food drive-throughs
• not cooking breakfast or dinner for your kids
• meal delivery or takeout
• shopping for clothes or fun
• not stopping by your neighbors to say hello
• failing to visit or call your relatives
• soap operas
• the beach (for those of you lucky enough to have one nearby)
• the woods, lakes, or mountains (ditto)
• working on cars
• working in your shop
• chess, checkers, cards, board games
• fishing, hunting, four-wheeling
• skateboarding
• your "me" time
• your favorite hobby
• not reading
• reading (ha!)
• not exercising regularly (here's how to start)
• exercising (too much)
• nagging your husband (you know who you are)
• criticizing your wife (she knows who you are)
• not going on dates with your spouse
• interrupting others (and apologize when you do)
• not dressing respectfully (if it applies)
• being a slob
• not smiling whenever you meet someone
• crossword puzzles, jigsaw puzzles, sudoku
• knitting? (you addicts understand)
• those filthy, filthy cigarettes (this book actually makes it easy)
• half or a third of those cigarettes
• vaping, or other forms of nicotine
• cigars, chew, or other tobacco
• "phony candy" breath mints
• not taking real breath mints
• cookies, biscuits, or energy bars
• candy or gum
• chips or pretzels
• cellphone calls in your car (more difficult than you think)
• podcasts (or listen only to religious podcasts)
• all non-necessary texting
• not eating your vegetables (even you adults)
• the News (you're an addict, and it disturbs your inner peace, doesn't it?)
• littering
• ice cream
• donuts, cakes, or muffins
• your favorite dish
• your favorite meat, fish, or fowl
• fudging on your tax return
• gossiping at work—say something nice instead
• gossiping anywhere
• stealing "little stuff" from your employer, including time online
• relations with your spouse (on certain days or weeks)
• not having relations with your spouse (if it applies)
• thinking about yourself when you wake up or go to bed (pray instead)
• thinking about yourself when you drive (pray instead)
• talking when you don't need to (you could listen)
• buying anything you don't really need
• not making your bed
• being a selfish jerk all the time
That should, ahem, get you started. We are also big advocates of little children giving up "screens": cell phones, video games, tablets, and television.
Consider encouraging your little ones to abstain from meat on Friday and even to fast (under your supervision of course). Have them put 10% of their piggy bank into the collection basket.
If Your Best Lent Ever includes corporal or spiritual works of mercy, bring them along.
Let's review our conceit: Don't waste another precious Lent. Go for it.
You Are Not DeadMay we mildly suggest that you are not dead. You are not a corpse. You are breathing. Put your index finger into your belly button. Dig. That's lint. This is Lent.
And it is Lent 2022, perhaps the most pivotal year in this era of human history, and it shall never come again, and it shall never begin again, so that is why it's so crucial to have courage on Ash Wednesday.
Lent is about two billion people around the world changing how they live for forty days to imitate Christ by joining Him on the Cross.
In sum, because we are all connected by baptism through the Mystical Body of Christ, everything matters, and Your Best Lent Ever will help other souls around the world in ways only Our Lord can fathom.
Let Us Pray TogetherAs an unjust war, what is going on in Ukraine is murder, so I am adding the whole region, including our brothers and sisters in Russia. Include your own nation in this prayer. Let us, tens of thousands together, begin in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit...
Almighty Father, we offer our prayers in the Holy Name of your Eucharistic Son, Jesus, in atonement for the sins of the United States and all our nations, especially for the sin of abortion and unjust war. We humbly request that You fortify the fearsome Guardian Angel of the United States, along with your mighty Archangel Michael and every angel assigned to their legions, to save America and the world in this time of distress.
Eternal Father, deliver us as you delivered your people by the parting of the Red Sea!
Eternal Father, just as your servant David defeated Goliath with one smooth stone, by the sweep of your mighty hand, cast into the abyss forever all those diabolical powers and principalities which seek to dominate and degrade our children, our neighbors, and our communities. Direct us as you directed David's stone in battle.
Eternal Father, we beg You to remember always the sacrifice of our holy martyrs of our nations, whose blood forever anointed our very soil for Your divine purposes.
Eternal Father, honor the faith of our fathers and mothers who have gone before us into your heavenly embrace, and who intercede for victory on our behalf.
By the infinite merits of the Blood of Christ, offered everywhere and every day in the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass throughout the world, deliver us.
O Almighty and Eternal Father, in union with all of our Christian brothers and sisters who offer fasts and prayers for deliverance from evil, we implore You this Lent to deeply immerse every soul in our beloved nations within an overflowing ocean of your Holy Spirit, the Divine Spouse of Immaculate Mary, and to thus vanquish the serpent, his demons, and those who serve the evil one within our midst, while bringing forth, we pray, the new Great Awakening and Illumination of Consciences. Amen.
Lenten Quotations
"Fasting is better than prayer and almsgiving is better than both."
-Saint Clement I
"Study the generations long past and understand: has anyone hoped in the Lord and been disappointed? Has anyone persevered in his commandments and been forsaken? Has anyone called upon him and been rebuffed? Compassionate and merciful is the Lord; he forgives sins, he saves in time of trouble, and he is a protector to all who seek him in truth."
-Sirach 2:5-11
"My soul magnifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my savior!"
-Mary, the Mother of God
"I have done my part. May Christ teach you to do yours."
-Saint Francis of Assisi, final words on his deathbed
"Pondering the crucifix is a prayer."
-Joseph Wood
"My Lord has suffered as much for me."
-Savonarola, final words on his deathbed
"I have not behaved myself that I should be ashamed to live, nor am I afraid to die, because I have so good a master."
-Saint Ambrose, final words on his deathbed
"Jesus! Jesus!"
-Saint Joan of Arc, final words at her death
"Some demons can only be driven out through prayer and fasting."
-Jesus
As most of you know, I have been fasting along with other forms self-denial for pretty much every day in 2022 for the conversion of your fallen-away loved ones and for God to save America, so no matter what you take on this Lent, I'm right there with you.
Fasting Blast from the PastI've been rewriting Your Best Lent Ever for so many years that I lost track of when I wrote the first one. While looking through the archives to find out (it was 2009), I came across this gem about fasting from 2002:
We often urge people to fast, and some tell us how hard fasting is. Our response is that it's supposed to be hard, as it is the imitation of Christ's suffering. But there are actually many benefits to fasting upon second glance. Pain is gain, in both the spiritual and worldly senses. Fasting...
1. Improves your spiritual eyesight—it helps you see as God sees.
2. Imitates Christ, who fasted often.
3. Is a great way to remind yourself to pray instead of eating.
4. Helps you lose weight and feel healthy.
5. Saves money (buy less food!)
6. Saves time (skip meals!) in a culture where nobody has free time.
7. Makes you feel good (when you cap off a fasting day.)
8. Builds self-discipline so you can do more good for others.
Twenty years later, I would add a ninth benefit, the best one of all: Saint John Vianney taught that fasting is the only way to convert the fallen-away.
Frankly, losing weight or saving a few bucks or becoming holy has never motivated me. Playing my role in God saving my beloved country and good things happening to you and your loved ones does. That's me. I am an old warrior. Find whatever motivation works for you.
Off to a Bad Start?It happens. If you fail to get off to a good start this Lent, remember that Jesus fell and got back up three times on the way to his crucifixion. Remember these five simple words:
God is not a bureaucrat.
He knows we are weak. Struggle back up and restart Your Best Lent Ever. Whether you fall into habitual sin or fall away from your Lenten resolutions, what counts with the Father is getting your cross to the top of the hill. Humility and toughness are the nitro and glycerin of holiness (I just made that up).
If Holy Thursday ends up being your "only good day," so be it.
Thank you for being a part of my Lent, and for going for it with me and all of your fellow CatholiCity Citizens. As Jesus assured us, "your sorrow will turn to joy."
With Saint Jean Brebeuf,
Bud Macfarlane
Founder
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