Your Best Lent Ever!

Volume XXII, Number 2 – February 7, 2018

(The Your Best Lent Ever section was adapted from Bud's classic first sent a decade ago—and the most popular CatholiCity Message ever written. This, dear friend, is the one to send to everyone on your email list—now, before Ash Wednesday gets here.)

Dear CatholiCity Citizen,

Our only purpose today is to help you begin your Lent well. (Yes I am including our famous, scary, and comprehensive Stuff to Give Up List.)

Before we start, I want to ask for your daily prayers for my co-worker, Katherine Johnson, who was diagnosed with cancer last week. Katherine has been our customer service superstar for over a dozen years. She has three children, including two five-year-old twin daughters. (We'll pray for her and for you or your loved ones dealing with health challenges in the group prayer at the bottom.)

Great news! I have arranged for a special Mass to be offered for your intentions on Ash Wednesday by Father John O'Brien SJ! You'll recall that Father John accompanied me on our CatholiCity Pilgrimage to the Saint Anne and Saint Joseph shrines in Quebec last year.

And finally, if you wish to order our free CDs, books, and booklets to distribute during Lent, just click on the button below.

Lenten Tools for Evangelization

Your Best Lent Ever!
This is one message you may want to forward to your friends and relatives before Ash Wednesday arrives. Let us being with...a conceit. Huh? A what?

As some of us may recall from English class in the olden days, a conceit, according the fourth definition of the third meaning of the noun in Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary, is (drumroll): "an organizing principle." A Lent well-lived needs an organizing principle. May we suggest that your conceit for this Lent be:

Go for it!

Don't Waste Another Lent
We only have so many years on this earth and to waste another Lent (you know who you are—I'm guilty too) is just plain subpar for a believing Catholic. Challenge yourself spiritually in 2018. Choose extra difficult mortifications. Give up your very very most favorite things. Fast more often than ever before in your life. Commit to prayer or Mass or Good Friday devotions like never before.

Ignore Lefty Propaganda
By the way, all the lazy, ridiculous lefty propaganda to not give up anything for Lent in recent decades and to just "help people instead" is lazy, ridiculous lefty propaganda designed to rationalize not doing anything for Lent. We all know it. Mortification—prayer, fasting, giving up things we love—is a very positive way of walking with Jesus, who did these things, taught his apostles to do this, and gave up His very life!

Be More Catholic Than the Pope
This is the only time of year when it is, in fact, a good idea to be more Catholic than a pope. So plan today, right now, to look back upon April 1st, 2018 (Easter Sunday) with the wonderful sensation of knowing that you did your very best to grow closer to Jesus and to help Him save souls. Do not squander another Lent!

Crackerjack Surprise-Inside Suggestions
Some of you are motivated. Some of you are groaning. Others are nodding (hopefully in agreement, not off into sleep). Many stopped reading after the word "conceit."

And, now, for some suggestions. My goal below is to make you exclaim: "Oh no, not that! I can't give that up!"

Yeah, we (and you) are looking for the perfect Oh No Not That to give up because this year, our conceit is Go For It!

And remember, there is no prohibition from "doubling" up, or choosing three, five, or seven things for Your Best Lent Ever. We know that many of you have been intending to get off your duffs and do several of the following for years (and even decades—you know who you are).

I can only offer this bold encouragement because I am weak, slothful, wimpy, selfish, lazy, prideful, ashamed, and cowardly. Here are some suggestions to get into the spirit of Go For It, followed by helpful hints, resources and comments...

1. Pray the Rosary every day.
2. Receive Communion at Mass every day.
3. Go to Confession every Friday or once a week.
4. Pray the Family Rosary every day or once a week.
5. Pray in silence 20 minutes a day.
6. Make a Eucharistic visit every day.
7. Pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet every day.
8. Fast on bread and water one to three times per week (join me!)
.
9. Read a spiritual book.
10. Give a painfully large donation to charity.
11. Donate to charity instead of buying something for yourself.
12. Pray "Jesus, I love you!" in the first waking seconds of the day.
13. Listen to Catholic CDs.
14. Do something major to improve your marriage.
15. Volunteer anywhere: at your kid's school, homeless shelter, etc.
16. Visit a home for the elderly.
17. Read a Gospel or all four Gospels.
18. Memorize ten favorite Bible verses.
19. Did we mention fasting one to three times a week?
20. Distribute Mary Foundation materials in nearby parishes.
21. Oh, why not? Pray in silence for an hour every day.
22. Give up something you absolutely love, crave, or spend time on, or that annoys the people you love, including:

• your cellphone (or, texting, shopping online, social media, etc.)
• television or your favorite television show
• television before a certain hour
• television after a certain hour
• eating while watching television
• coffee (yes, coffee)
• caffeine in any form
• diet soda
• donuts
• hamburgers
• pizza (yes, pizza)
• chocolate
• anything with chocolate flavor
• all snacks or desserts
• going to movies or Netflix, Redbox, etc.
• the Internet
• March Madness
• following your favorite sports team
• video games
• celebrity magazines
• golf (an objectively grave moral evil) (only kidding)
• booze (yes, booze)
• watching golf on TV
• a destructive, irresistible "friendship"
• foul language
• picking your nose
• not grooming properly
• not flossing every day (yuck!)
• sports radio
• satellite radio
• music radio
• talk radio
• restaurants
• eating lunch outside of work
• driving when you could walk
• sleeping in late
• hitting the Snooze Button in the morning
• fast food drive-throughs
• not cooking breakfast for your kids
• shopping for clothes or food
• not stopping by your neighbors to say hello for weeks
• failing to visit or call your "not close by" relatives
• soap operas
• the beach (for those of you lucky enough to have one nearby)
• the woods (ditto)
• working on cars
• working in your shop
• chess, checkers, cards, board games
• fishing, hunting, four-wheeling, skateboarding
• some of your "alone" time doing any hobby
• your absolute favorite, passionate hobby (aha, you just fainted!)
• not reading
• reading (ha!)
• not exercising (enough)
• exercising (too much)
• nagging your husband (you know who you are)
• criticizing your wife (she knows who you are)
• interrupting others
• not smiling whenever you meet someone
• knitting, crossword puzzles, jigsaw puzzles, sudoku
• knitting? (you addicts understand)
• those filthy, filthy cigarettes
• half or a third of those cigarettes
• cigars, gum, and "phony candy" breath mints
• cookies
• chips
• cellphone calls in your car (more difficult than you think)
• fantasy sports
• not eating your vegetables (even you adults)
• ice cream
• fudging on your tax return
• betting on March Madness
• gossiping at work—say something nice instead
• gossiping anywhere
• stealing "little stuff" from your employer, including time online
• relations with your spouse (on certain days or weeks)
• thinking about yourself when you wake up or go to sleep (pray instead)
• thinking about yourself when you drive (pray instead)
• talking when you should be listening
• buying anything you don't need

Little Children
That, ahem, should get you started. We are also big advocates of little children giving up video games, tablets, and television. Consider encouraging your little ones to abstain from meat on Friday and even to fast (under your supervision of course). Have them put 10% of their piggy bank into the collection basket. Bring them with you if Your Best Lent Ever includes corporal works of mercy.

Let's review our conceit: Go. For. It.

You Are Not Dead
May we mildly suggest that you are not dead. You are not a corpse. You are alive. You are breathing. Put your index finger into your bellybutton. Dig. That's lint. This is Lent. And it is Lent 2018 and it shall never come again, and it shall never begin again, so that is why it is so important to have courage on Fat Tuesday and Ash Wednesday. Lent is about two billion people around the world changing how they live for forty days so we can all grow closer to Jesus.

In sum Your Best Lent Ever will help other souls around the world, and over time, in ways only God can fathom.

Let Us Pray Together
Our prayer is simple. Let us, tens of thousands together, as friends in Christ, begin in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit...

My soul magnifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my savior!
The Mother of God

I have done my part. May Christ teach you to do yours.
Saint Francis of Assisi, final words on his deathbed

My Lord has suffered as much for me.
Savonarola, final words on his deathbed

I have not behaved myself that I should be ashamed to live, nor am I afraid to die, because I have so good a master.
Saint Ambrose, final words on his deathbed

Jesus! Jesus!
Saint Joan of Arc, final words at her death

Some demons can only be driven out through prayer and fasting.
Jesus

Thank you for being a distinguished citizen of CatholiCity and for reading to this sweet end. I care deeply for you. I really do pray for you every day when I receive Holy Communion at Mass—for you and for everyone important to you. With all my heart I pray.

I believe Our Lady sent you to us. Please, just hit reply with your comments or your prayer intentions for Father John's Ash Wednesday Mass. No matter how long it takes, I will get back to you.

Please pray every day for my sons, especially for Xavier, a second year seminarian, and for all who will hear or read Mary Foundation materials this Lent.

And don't forget to order your Mary Foundation materials now—we'll ship 'em fast so you'll have them to stock the churches near you.

Next time we write, it shall be during Lent, amidst the fray, so to speak, of Your Best Lent Ever. Meet us there, going for it.

Always, Always with Immaculate Mary,

Bud Macfarlane
Founder and Executive Director

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