The CatholiCity Message
Volume IV, Number 4 – February 25, 2000
Dear CatholiCity Citizen,
A hearty welcome to all our brand new Citizens who are receiving this message for the first time. If some of our newer citizens may be wondering why the "weekly" message has arrived only twice a month in recent months, rest easy. We've had to cut down in recent months because of heavy workloads, and in the process discovered that most readers prefer it that way. Go figure.
We've got several items for you this week, not the least of which is...Cheese Dreams, plus a truly painful joke that none of you have ever heard before (a first for the Internet!). And now...
1. WE REMEMBER OUR LADY BECAUSE
Our Lady remembers us. Won't you please join our 18,000 citizens in Saint Bernard's classic prayer, the Memorare. Before we start, think of an intention you would like answered (pause). "Remember O most gracious virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thy intercession was left unaided. Inspired by this confidence, we fly unto thee, O virgin of virgins, our mother. To thee do we come, before thee we stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not our petitions, but in your mercy hear and answer them. Amen."
2. A WAY OF LIFE
And the rest is history. Yes, we're getting right into Cheese Dreams. They are a snack. They are a meal. They are a way of life. Like every classic food, they are timeless, consisting of simple ingredients. They are a CatholiCity first, because we've never "done" recipes before (and probably never will again, because Cheese Dreams are unique). Start with Thomas' English Muffins. If you have another brand of muffin, return them to the store and get Thomas's. Fork-split the muffins, then toast to just short of browning. Remove from oven or toaster, add some grated or thinly sliced mozzarella cheese, then toast again until the cheese melts into the Nooks and Crannies (but do not let the mozzarella brown!). Remove from oven/toaster, add a very thin, but juicy, slice of tomato. (At this point, Thrill Seekers may add a dab of Tabasco Sauce.) Then place a slice of mostly-cooked bacon onto the tomato slice, then heap on more mozzarella. (Purists fold the bacon, but the Midwest School allows for breaking the slices into thirds.) Toast until the cheese turns brown and the bacon cooks completely. Add salt and/or pepper to your taste. Allow to cool for two-or-three minutes, then serve hot (veteran Cheese Dreamers learn to avoid letting the tomato burn the roof of their mouths). They will disappear shortly. For some reason, they make cola taste much better. Kids love 'em. Dogs beg for 'em. Adults beware: Cheese Dreams are addictive. If this happens, contact Cheese Dreams Anonymous, listed in the yellow pages nationwide.
3. NO, NOT MORE Y2K
Yes, more. The results from our Make Up Another Meaning for Y2K Contest are in. And the winners are:
Grand Prize: You're Too Kool, Jesus!
Second Place: Yes to the King!
Honorable Mention:
Year to Knock (and have the Door Open)
Year to Kneel
Year to Kare
Year to Knuckle (under the Spirit)
Yes to Knights (of Immaculata / of Columbus)
Yes to Kolbe
Year to Konvert
Yearning to Know (Our Lord)
Yes to Kindness
Youth 2000 Kicks (Butt)
Yes to Knowledge (in the Katechism)
4. PACKET FULL OF SOUL
A CatholiCity Citizen working with The Children of the Father Foundation, is offering a no-strings attached free packet of information to help fellow CatholiCity Citizens complete a total consecration to Immaculate Mary. These include a 30-day Saint Louis DeMontfort consecration-preparation prayer book and an audio tape. Just send your mailing address to:
5. JUST SOMETHING THAT HIT US
Right after we finished typing "Just something that hit we" was this: God is Love. Those who love are lovers. Lovers are lover dovers. Lover dovers are lubber dubbers. Lubber dubbers are dubbers. Dubbers are dubs. One dubber is a dub. And dub spelled backwards is bud. Which means friend and the touchingly small form of a flower. A Little Flower. Like Saint Thesese of Liseuix. Kinda nice, huh?
QUOTE OF THE WEEK
"When it comes to getting married, it's not finding the right woman; it's avoiding the wrong one."
G.K. MacBrien
JOKE OF THE WEEK
There once were two mice, brothers. One was named "In" and the other was named "Out." In and Out lived in the same house, but their mouse hole was so small that only one of them could fit inside at the same time. So when In was in, Out was out. And when Out was in, In had to be out. One day, In was in and Out was out and Out said to In, "In come out, I want to go in." So In came out and Out went in and then In said, "Out come out because I want to go in." So Out came out and In went in. In other words, In was in and Out was out. Out eventually said, "In come out, I want to go in." So In came out and Out went in, until In wanted to go in and said, "Out come out." So Out came out and In went in. Then, after a while, Out said, "In, come out, I want to go in."
But In did not come out. He did not reply.
So Out waited for In for several minutes, figuring In was eating cheese or watching reruns of Tom and Jerry. Finally, Out said "In come out, I want to go in." Nothing. No reply. In stayed in and Out stayed out. Growing impatient, Out finally called in a loud voice, "In, this is Out, and I want to go in!" Again, In did not come out. Silence. Suddenly, Out became very sad, because he knew that his brother In was dead. How did Out know? Simple...Instinct.
Yours in Christ,
Your Friends at CatholiCity
