The CatholiCity Message
Volume IV, Number 2 – January 21, 2000
Dear CatholiCity Citizen,
We have a whisp of items this week, and a couple of the usual silly ones, too.
1. OH NO! Y2K IS NOT OVER
A CatholiCity Citizen sent us this clever "Jubilee Year" translation for the acronym Y2K: "Year to Kneel." Pretty good, eh? If you can think of another one with a Catholic flavor, let us know, and we'll list them in the next CatholiCity Message. Please put "DEJA VU Y2K" in the subject field and send your email to:
(EMAIL ADDRESS NO LONGER VALID)
2. IMAGINE A SIREN WITH FLASHING LIGHTS
Imagine firewords. Imagine trumpets blaring. Are you with us? Now turn down all the noise, and read on in silence...
Over the next five weeks, we will announce a major event which will effect the lives of hundreds of thousands (and ultimately millions) of souls. When it becomes a reality, we humbly predict that you'll say to yourself: Catholics have needed this for a long time. We'll give you some hints today, and more details in the next few CatholiCity Messages:
BOOM
The Mary Foundation is going to be releasing its first new recording in almost two years. The content and evangelical potential of this talk is so explosive we find it hard to put into words (and you know us, we'll try anyway). As the largest Catholic CD and tape apostolate in the world, all we can say is that we've been waiting for a decade for this kind of talk to cross our desks. This new recording will quickly come to be considered a classic, right up there with Scott Hahn's conversion story. Mostly though, when people hear it, even devout Catholics, they will decide to change for the better. The speaker is virtually unknown, like a nugget of gold hidden in a backyard creek. He is a priest. We'll tell you more in February...
3. MYSTERY WEEK As long as we're being mysterious, we might as well add another mystery. Several ordinary goldfish, yes, the kind found in every pet store in North America, will play a big role in the future of CatholiCity later this year...
JOKE OF THE WEEK
A tough inner-city kid brazenly walks into the principal's office of a Catholic high school and asks for a full scholarship...
"Well young man, I'm sorry," the principal tells him. "We do have academic scholarships, but the tests were given last fall."
"That's okay. I'm pretty smart. I need to go to a good school. You can give me a test right now," the kid says with a smile. The principal thinks about this for a minute or two.
"All right. I'll give you a verbal test. We'll start with an easy question. How many days in the week begin with the letter 't'?
"That is easy," the kids replies quickly. "Two. Today and tomorrow."
"Hmmn. That's not the answer I was looking for, but it's correct. I'll give you a much harder question next. It has to do with math. How many seconds are there in a year?"
Without hesitating, the kid replies, "Piece of cake. Twelve."
"Twelve? How did you calculate that answer?" The principal was clearly disappointed.
"Well, you've got January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, and so on."
"Okay," the principal says. "I was looking for a little more mathematics, but your answer is correct. I have one more question, even more difficult, involving theology. Tell me, what is God's first name?"
"That's easy. It's Howard."
"Howard? Are you sure that God's first name is Howard?"
"Sure," the kid says, "Our Father, Who art in heaven, Howard be thy name..."
QUOTE OF THE WEEK
"The walls of hell are lined with the skulls of bishops."
Saint John of the Cross
We're headed out to the Catholic Marketing Network Trade Show at the Baltimore Convention Center all next week, so our next message will probably be from there. Thanks for being a part of it all...
Yours in Christ,
Your Friends at CatholiCity
