The CatholiCity Message

Volume III, Number 11 – April 23, 1999

Dear CatholiCity Citizen,

Hi! We're back after taking a week off from this message (but not from work). A few quirky quickies, plus original jokes, courtesy of Teresa Maria Davis, CatholiCity Citizen. In fact, it's humor week here at CatholiCity. But first...

1. YOGISMS and YEAH-RIGHTS
Everybody's heard Yogisms. These are humorous statements attributed to Yogi Berra, hall-of-fame baseball player. "It ain't over 'til it's over," is probably the most famous. The genius of Yogisms is that Berra transformed the straight maxim or aphorism by adding a slightly bizarre twist. They're funny, memorable, and usually convey a universal truth. What's always intrigued us is that nobody else really ever "did them" before Yogi Berra. It was something new, thus the name, Yogism.

Decades ago, we discovered something new: a body of conversational information we've dubbed "Yeah-Rights." Yeah-Rights happen to you all the time. It's when somebody tells you something fascinating which you already happen to know but tells you in such a way that assumes you don't know it. Then you say "Yeah right!" and agree with that person, even though you both already know it. In fact, everybody knows it. It's like sharing a secret that everyone in the world already knows. Those of you who have read Saint Jude Media's second novel, Conceived Without Sin, were treated to some of them. Here are a few:

Q: Did you know that the original name for Coca-Cola comes from cocaine, because that was one of the first ingredients?
A: Yeah! Right. That's true! [And the following is my favorite part of the Yeah Right, because it's been true for over 80 years.] But they had to take out the cocaine.

Man at Table: Please pass the margarine.
Woman at Table: Did you know that butter and margarine have the same number of calories?
Man at Table: Yeah, that's right! But margarine has more fat!

Coach: Stretch out, son. Stretching out prevents injuries.
Player: Right. I'm stretching out, I'm stretching out!

Man on Date: Did you know that when we look up at the stars, we're not seeing the stars...
Woman on Date: ...but we're seeing the light coming from them thousands of years later!

Computer Guy: You know, computers are getting faster and faster!
Non-Computer Guy: Yeah right! My old computer was so slow!

Q: Did you know that you don't have to wait an hour after eating before going swimming?
A: Yeah, right, because the digestive system shuts down. That's just an old wives tale! [For some reason, describing this Yeah Right as an old wives tale is required.]

Then, there are devout Catholic Yeah Rights:

Q: Did you know that Vatican II didn't really change any of the teachings of the Church?
A: Yeah right! Liberals just used "the Spirit of Vatican II" to make their own changes.

Q: Did you know that even non-Catholics can still go to heaven?
A: Yeah, right! But they have to cooperate with the Holy Spirit! [Optional:] And it's a lot harder!

You get the idea. Discover your own! Because I'm so swamped with finishing up my third novel, I don't have the time this week to answer all your emails, so I encourage you to share any you think up with the other citizens in the Chat Rooms and the Crosstalk Groups. I know that some of you are saying to yourselves: Boy, that's really weird. And yeah, you're right!

QUOTE OF THE WEEK
"Tears are the only river on which fire can burn."
Catherine Dougherty, Foundress of Madonna House

JOKE OF THE WEEK
Father O'Meara enjoyed posing thought-provoking questions to his congregation during his homilies. One Sunday, he got all worked up about Jesus' maxim that we should be perfect as the Father is perfect.

"None of us can say we are perfect!" he bellowed. "Is there anyone here who can say that he is perfect?!"

To Father O'Meara's surprise, a gentleman sitting in the back stood up! The priest looked at him and asked: "You, sir! Are you standing because you think you are perfect?"

"No, Father," the gentleman replied. "I'm just standing in for my wife's first husband."

Have a great week. God's gentle peace, always.

With Christ,

Your Friends at CatholiCity