Families Get a Special Letter from Pope John Paul II
by Father John McCloskey
The most personal and heartfelt document of Pope John Paul II's Pontificate so far is his Letter to Families. It was issued last year, during the United Nations International Year of the Family. Read what he says at the very beginning "The celebration of the Year of the Family gives me a welcome opportunity to knock at the door of your home, eager to greet you with deep affection and to spend time with you." This is a real letter, written by a loving father to his children, full of love and good advice. The Pope does not send junk mail.
The content of his letter is our present engagement in mortal (or, if you will, immortal) conflict between two irreconcilable world-views, between Catholicism and secular humanism. All other conflicts are side-shows to this main event. Ultimately, through our belief in the resurrection of Jesus as we await his second coming, we know that the war is won. However, given our belief in free will, at stake is the very life and salvation of billions of souls who will spend eternity either in communion with God, or in eternal, individual loneliness in hell. We are all combatants in this war; no one can remain on the sidelines.
This is a particularly interesting moment for us to meet, to listen, to question and discuss, and to be motivated to act, because the attack on the Church and family is no longer in any way veiled. No one who is not somehow totally cut off from the means of communication can be deceived.
The proceedings of the Cairo conference on world population last fall, the crystal-clear program of our current political regime in Washington, and the all-out assault on the natural by all forms of entertainment show that the devil feels he can show his hand clearly with little chance of losing ground.
On the other hand, the recent trips and teachings of the Pope in the U.S., the heroic defense of the family and humanity by the Vatican at Cairo, the great triad of Catechism of the Catholic Church, the encyclical Veritatis Splendor (The Splendor of Truth) and the Letter to Families give not only hope and courage, but also wonderful instruments for our eventual triumph, even in a temporal sense, in this conflict.
Since 1978, John Paul II has been pointing constantly to the millennium as a key moment for the world and the Church. Whether this is simply a question of strategic planning for his pontificate or due to some private mystical revelation, we do not know.
The situation in the U.S.
As for the situation of the family in the U.S., I would direct you to the Index of Leading Cultural Indicators compiled by former Secretary of Education William J. Bennett in 1993. In every important category that relates to family health, from marriage and divorce, to teenage suicide, to child abuse and abortion, during the last 40 years, there has been and continues to be a precipitous decline, at least from our viewpoint as Christians, in faithfulness to the teaching of the Church.
Many people are at a loss to explain this unprecedented breakdown in societal norms. But not the Holy Father; he writes in his Letter to Families that "our society, which certainly contains many positive aspects on the material and cultural level, from various points of view,...is a society which is sick and is creating profound distortions in man" (no. 20).
Pope John Paul writes that "ideas have consequences" and the basic reason for ongoing societal disintegration has been an implementation of philosophical theories dating from the Enlightenment, combined with a disastrous lessening of Christian influence in society. The Holy Father also writes that only a new evangelization of contemporary society with the "fullness of the truth" can overcome this societal crack-up centered in the family.
The Pope shows that the philosophical roots of the miseries of today have grown what he terms "a new Manicheanism, in which body and spirit are put in radical opposition; the body does not receive life from the spirit, and the spirit does not give life to the body. Man thus ceases to live as a person and as a subject. Regardless of all intentions and declarations to the contrary, he becomes merely an object. The neo-Manichean culture has led, for example, to human sexuality being regarded...as an area for manipulation and exploitation" (no.19).
The Pope contrasts Christian revelation with rationalism. He writes "modern rationalism does not tolerate mystery...[it] provides a radically different way of looking at creation and the meaning of human existence. But once man begins to lose sight of a God who loves him, a God who calls man through Christ to live in Him and with Him, and once the family no longer has the possibility of sharing in the 'great mystery,' what is left except the mere temporal dimension of life? Earthly life becomes nothing more than the scenario of a battle for existence, of a desperate search for gain, and financial gain before all else" (no.19).
Modern-day society is based above all on the homo economicus, the economic man who has not supernatural or spiritual destiny, whether here or beyond. Positivism, utilitarianism, manicheanism and modern day rationalism are some of the theories that generally govern the way most people think, work and live today.
The Pope explains that the effect of this thinking is devastating to the family:
At times it appears that concerted efforts are being made to present as 'normal' and attractive, and even to glamorize situations which are in fact 'irregular.' Indeed, they contradict the 'truth and love' which should inspire and guide relationships between men and women, thus causing tensions and divisions in families, with grave consequences, particularly for children. The moral conscience becomes darkened; what is true, good and beautiful is deformed; and freedom is replaced by what is actually enslavement!
Indeed, we are increasingly as people enslaved to sin under such alluring disguises as pleasure, leisure, looks, success, security, health, wealth, novelty, progress, longevity or personal growth. If any of these ideals are worshipped even partially in our "domestic church," then we are helping to build up the "culture of death."
Children as "accidents"
In our current "culture of death," marriage is looked upon as a breakable contract based largely upon convenience and mutual sexual exploitation. Children are seen either as carefully planned "one for you and one for me," or "accidents." God's creating and directing role is stymied and mocked by the mutual exploitation of contraception or the deliberate destruction of His unborn children.
In this "civilization of self," the Holy Father says, children are the "orphans of living parents" (no. 14), and they are left to figure out the meaning of life by looking at the poor example of their parents sunk in the world of sensual pleasure, contraceptive selfishness and worldly security.
These children receive their "ideals" from the fallen world around them, as reflected in the lives and opinions of their peers. They are educated in the secular wasteland of the great majority of public and private education, or from the world of mass entertainment whose values are those of the underworld. Do they have a chance of any real happiness on this earth, not to speak of the world to come? It depends, over time, on our building up of the "civilization of love."
The great majority of people and families succumb to "individualism" rather than opt for a Catholic "personalism." The Holy Father writes, "Individualism presupposes a use of freedom in which the subject does what he wants, in which he himself is the one to 'establish the truth' of whatever he finds pleasing or useful. He does not want to 'give' to another on the basis of truth; he does not want to become a 'sincere gift.' Individualism thus remains egocentric and selfish...the foundation of ethical utilitarianism is the continual quest for 'maximum' happiness. But this is a 'utilitarian happiness,' seen only as pleasure, as immediate gratification for the exclusive benefit of the individual, apart from or opposed to the objective demands of the true good. This program of utilitarianism, based on an individualistic understanding of freedom–a freedom without responsibilities–is the opposite of love" (no. 14).
We all know people and families that have fallen prey to this temptation as a result of both interior and exterior pressure. We have seen their misery and unhappiness, their aimlessness and depression.
All is not lost, however. The Holy Father says, "The love of spouses and parents has the capacity to cure these kinds of wounds" (no. 14). The main avenue for forgiveness and conversion lies in prayer, as the Pope indefatigably points out, and also through the sacraments. "For this very reason, family members need to encounter Christ in the Church through the wonderful Sacrament of Penance and Reconciliation" (no. 14).
The Pope is not ignoring the fact that in many cases there will be an urgent need for counseling and treatment by faithful Catholic physicians and psychologists. Yet the spiritual remedies will, ultimately, always have priority because only they can heal the separation from God and unite each person with Christ through the ministry of the Church.
At the heart of all the teachings of this pontificate is the concept of "personalism," of the inviolability of "the dignity of the human person." While our society and government is based on the "rights" of the autonomous individual, the Church teaches that we are "persons," made up of a unity of body and soul, with a supernatural destiny.
The Holy Father writes: "Created in the image and likeness of God, man cannot fully 'find himself' except through the sincere gift of self. Without such a concept of man, of the person and the 'communion of persons' in the family, there can be no civilization of love; similarly, without the civilization of love it is impossible to have such a concept of person and of the communion of persons."
We are called to live in a social community, the most important of which is the family. It has to be understood from the very beginning that man as a person inside a family has a supernatural destiny. He is created ultimately in and for God's glory.
Therefore, given the nature with which God the Creator has endowed him, he can only reach happiness on this earth and hereafter in heaven if he lives through, with and in Christ, his Redeemer, who is "the way, the truth and the life."
There is no other way of doing this except through what the Holy Father refers to as the "sincere gift of self," that is, a life of service to God, in his Church and in the world, through serving others. This is the message, the truth we must make a reality in our lives and the truth that we must, to the best of our ability, communicate to others, starting with the members of our family and reaching out to all whom God places in our way throughout our life.
Quite simply, our American "culture of death" has separated itself from the person and teachings of Christ. All societal ills can be traced back ultimately to sin, whether it be the original sin of our first parents or our own actual sins.
For the Pope, the family is one of the many paths on which people walk. He says, "the family is the first and most important (path). It is a path common to all, yet one which is particular, unique, and unrepeatable, just as every individual is unrepeatable; it is a path from which man cannot withdraw. Even if a person chooses to remain single, the family continues to be, as it were, his existential horizon, that fundamental community in which the whole network of social relations is grounded, from the closest and most immediate to the most distant" (no. 2).
Jesus Christ, the Word become flesh, chose to be part of the human family of Joseph and Mary. "The divine mystery of the Incarnation of the Word thus has an intimate connection with the human family" (no. 2).
The most important path
The family, our family, is the most important path along which we walk. More important than work, rest, social life, cultural interests, political involvement, charitable good works, and most certainly "personal development." Surely more important than being "modern," "contemporary" or "with it!"
Can we honestly say that our family life is always seen and lived as the priority in our life and is then known and seen by others, starting with our immediate family and extending in various degrees to all those who come into contact with us?
Naturally, this involves sacrifice, which at times may be considerable. Unquestionably, it will set us apart from many, if not the great majority, of our neighbors.
On the other hand, it was precisely this type of sacrificial witness on the part of early Christian families that, over the course of several centuries, gradually transformed a pagan environment much like our own into a Christian culture in which the natural and revealed law became the law of the land. Only if present-day or future parents place the family first will their children do the same and their children after them.
The Pope writes that a couple, as persons, make "a conscious and free choice," which gives rise to marriage. This free choice gives them an identity, which consists in the "capacity to live in truth and love." As such, he says, there is a "certain similarity between the union of the divine persons (in the Holy Trinity) and the union of God's children in truth and love. This capacity, characteristic of the human being as a person, has at the same time both a spiritual and bodily dimension" (no. 8).
Out of this flow two facets of Christian marriage: first, the unity one man with one woman, body and soul; and second, the indissolubility of the marriage ("what God hath put together, let no man put asunder").
"Through the communion of persons which occurs in marriage, a man and woman begin a family," the Pope continues. "Human fatherhood and motherhood are rooted in biology, yet at the same time transcend it" (no. 9). What the Holy Father is emphasizing here is the role that God plays both in marriage and in human procreation; he says, "God Himself is present in human fatherhood and motherhood. Begetting is the continuation of creation" (no. 9).
Conjugal acts are open to God's creative power of giving life, and the offspring "is created by God for his own sake...The new human being is called to live as a person; he is called to a life 'in truth and love.'"
The family begins with the reality of conjugal love and the Holy Father, in his Letter to Families, describes it thus:
Responsible fatherhood and motherhood directly concern the moment in which a man and a woman, uniting themselves 'in one flesh,' can become parents. This is a moment of special value for their interpersonal relationship and for their service to life: they can become parents–father and mother–by communicating life to a new human being. The two dimensions of conjugal union, the unitive and procreative, cannot be artificially separated without damaging the deepest truth of the conjugal act itself.
The Church over and over again teaches the truth about man and woman, sex and marriage, speaking of each human being's "worth as a person," of "the measure of his dignity," and of the "sincere gift of self" through "mutual donation." The Holy Father writes:
All married life is a gift; but this becomes most evident when the spouses, in giving themselves to each other in love, bring about that encounter which makes them 'one flesh' (no. 12).
There is nothing more countercultural not more indicative of the divinity of the Church's teaching than its constant insistence on the unbreakable link between the unitive and procreative meanings of the conjugal act.
The "signs of the times" we see today are providing new reasons for forcefully reaffirming that teaching. St. Paul himself, so attentive to the pastoral demands of his day, clearly and firmly indicated the need to be "urgent in season and out of season" (2 Tm 4:2) and not to be daunted by the fact that "sound teaching is not longer endured" (2 Tm 4:3). Indeed, the Holy Father's encyclical Evangelium Vitae (The Gospel of Life) reaffirms the perennial teachings of the Church on sexuality as it relates to marriage and family.
The Church both teaches the moral truth about responsible fatherhood and motherhood and protects it from the erroneous views and tendencies which are widespread today. The Pope writes that the person can never be considered a means to an end; above all, never a means of pleasure. "The person is and must be nothing other than the end of every act. Only then does the action correspond to the true dignity of the person" (no. 12).
We know this to be true because the Church teaches it, because the natural law, through the use of our natural reason, tells us it is so, and also because the experiential evidence is overwhelming. Once the use of sexuality is separated from openness to life, selfishness and hedonism reign and the family, the vital cell of society, self-destructs. The Holy Father asserts that a civilization inspired by a consumerist anti-birth mentality is not and cannot ever be a civilization of love" (no. 13).
A Civilization of Love
The phrase "civilization of love" is often used by Pope John Paul II. As the Pope himself says in the letter, "it is clear that the family is fundamental to what Pope Paul VI called 'the civilization of love.'" As he has said elsewhere, "the future of humanity passes by way of the family."
What I am attempting to do here is to flesh out the meaning of the letter through quotation and commentary in such a way that it will lead to action of an exterior sort, certainly, but more importantly, of an interior sort.
The key point is that the "civilization (or culture) of love" can only become a reality in our world if we first realize that it has to be built brick-by-brick into the interior of our very person, our body and soul, through our intimate union with Christ.
This union will come about through what the Holy Father insists upon throughout the letter: prayer. In the words of the Pope, "Prayer must become the dominant element in the Year of the Family in the Church: prayer by the family, prayer for the family, and prayer with the family" (no. 4).
Of course, we understand prayer to include the whole sacramental life of the Church, the practice of mental and vocal prayer, and deep and ever-growing knowledge of Holy Scripture with a whole-hearted assent to all that the Church teaches. There is no other way to build the civilization of love and combat the culture of death.
This Pope almost single-handedly (of course, through the intercession of Our Lady of Fatima) obliterated the Marxist philosophy and its "evil empire" during the first eleven years of his pontificate. I would not be against his and our eventual victory and triumph over the culture of death of secular humanism in the next eleven.
Along with grace and truth, which over time are irresistible, we also possess two weapons that make us sure winners. One, we are willing to die for our beliefs. The proponents of the culture of death would not sacrifice one small comfort of their positions. Second, they do not even "reproduce," while we "procreate"–both spiritually and physically, at what they would consider an alarming rate. Families and vocations will always triumph over sterile individuals.
The Pope says that "In and through prayer, man comes to discover in a very simple and yet profound way his own unique subjectivity: in prayer the human 'I' more easily perceives the depth of what it means to be a person."
What the Pope is simply saying here is that man or the family are never more truly themselves than when they are engaged in conversation, in dialogue with God. "prayer is thanksgiving, praise of God, asking for forgiveness, supplication, and invocation. In all of these forms the prayer of the family has much to say to God" (no. 10).
The resolutions for the Catholic family today are clear and challenging. There must be efforts made for the family to pray together on a daily basis. Of course, this has to be adjusted to schedules, circumstances, ages and conditions of each particular family. These, however, cannot be used as an excuse as they so readily are, as we well know. The family rosary, a daily reading of Scripture with commentary, a short time of mental prayer, certain vocal prayers and devotions, morning offerings, blessings before and after meals, daily Mass, frequent confession, special celebrations of feasts of the Church, occasional family pilgrimages to local shrines, all and any of these could be incorporated into the daily and weekly schedule of the Catholic family.
Yes, it will require sacrifice and juggling of schedules, but God must always come first. One might argue, "But we don't want to turn our house into a monastery," and that is right, but it is necessary to remember that the family is a "domestic church!" After all, given that the typical American family watches seven hours of television a day, is a total of an hour or so of devotional practices spread throughout the day in a Catholic home to be considered too much?
Remember, if children do not acquire a habit of prayer and sacramental practice at home, it is unlikely they will acquire it elsewhere. As the letter says, "Prayer increases the strength and spiritual unity of the family, helping the family to partake of God's own 'strength'" (no. 4). It is virtually impossible for a family in today's world to survive intact, much less flourish, without tapping into God's strength through prayer.
These means, firmly assented to by the Catholic couple, will make a tremendous difference in their attitude towards both the procreation and education of offspring. If children are truly a "gift" of God, created for his own sake, then parents with their eyes fixed on God's will and their own reward in heaven, given their circumstances, will naturally be open to whatever number of children God sends them. This has been the practice through recorded history until very recent times.
Children will then be brought up, formed, educated to develop character, to grow in virtue, wisdom and grace. They will be taught that family comes first with a great love and knowledge of their forebears (without getting hung up on genealogy), starting with their parents and grandparents. They should have a deep knowledge and appreciation of their family history and look forward to projecting that history into the future with their own families. They will be brought up to be rocks of the Church, strong in the knowledge and practice of the Faith. They will be taught to love all the good and healthy things of God's creation, both those of nature and the treasures of civilization, particularly of Christendom.
They will live without fear, realizing that God counts on them to be His own in the world and gives them the necessary help to do so. They will be formed so that they realize that the only true goal for life is holiness and that happiness lies in seeking and following God's will at any and all costs.
The example of parents
From the example of their parents, they will see that marriage is a pathway to holiness and a vocation, and that apostolic celibacy, for the sake of the kingdom of God, is a greater gift which they should be eager to embrace if God wills it. This indeed is to build the civilization of love.
An important resolution from this letter is the obligation of charity that we have to "be" family for so many who surround us, for those who are effectively without father or mother, brothers or sisters, or children. Indeed, as the Pope insists at several points in the letter, "good is diffusive of itself."
Our families have to be secure enough with total dependence on God to be able to reach out and be Christ for others. We are not the "remnant," nor should we strive to place ourselves out of harm's way and simply be "survivors" in the midst of societal wreckage. Building the civilization of love will require much initiative, vision, and imagination on our part and, of course, collaboration with other families.
About relations with other families, the Pope writes, "It is important that families attempt to build bonds of solidarity among themselves. This allows them to assist each other in the educational enterprise: parents are educated by parents, and children by other children. Thus a particular tradition of education is created, which draws strength from the character of the 'domestic church' proper to the family" (no. 6).
Perhaps each family should make a point of being involved, at least on the membership level, with an association that promotes the Catholic view of the family. After all, it is easy to see how much good can be accomplished by the prayer, sacrifice and action of just a few couples who join together to do good!
The Pope says, "two fundamental truths should be kept in mind: first, that man is called to live in truth and love; and second, that everyone finds fulfillment through the sincere gift of self. This is true both for the educator and for the one being educated" (no. 16).
In the sphere of education, the Church has a specific role to play. In the light of the tradition and teaching of the Council, it can be said that it is not only a matter of entrusting the Church with the person's religious and moral education, but of promoting the entire process of the person's education "together with" the Church. Certainly one area in which the family has an irreplaceable role is that of religious education, which enables the family to grown as a "domestic church."
To put it bluntly, if children do not learn their faith, parents have no one to blame but themselves. I am not speaking of practice. Ultimately, that will come as a result of God's grace and the exercise of their free will, rightly or wrongly, and they will be punished or rewarded accordingly. However, parents' most important mission is to pass on the baton, the "traditio," of the Catholic Faith.
This may require sacrifices of all sorts, including hands-on textbook teaching of children, but if that is the only way to be assured of the adequacy of their religious education and formation, so be it. Certainly one or two hours of television, at the very least, could be sacrificed weekly for the essential and noble cause of directly forming one's children in the knowledge of the doctrine and morals of God's Church. Their future happiness and capacity for service depend upon it.
The role of the state
The Letter to Families does not neglect the fact that the state has a role in promoting and safeguarding the family. The Holy Father refers specifically to the state's assistance in areas such as schooling, health and welfare benefits, always respecting the aforementioned principle of subsidiarity. He makes a specific mention of "the work women do within the family unit: That work should be acknowledged and deeply appreciated."
"Motherhood, because of all the hard work it entails, should be recognized as giving the right to financial benefits at least equal to those of other kinds of work undertaken in order to support the family during such a delicate phase of its life" (no. 17). The State and a just economic system should always ensure that the mother is never forced to work unwillingly outside the home due to financial pressures. "Every effort should be made so that the family will be recognized as the primordial and in a certain sense 'sovereign society'! A truly sovereign and spiritually vigorous nation is always made up of strong families who are aware of their vocation and mission in history" (no. 17).
As we participate in the democratic process, as we study legislation and potential candidates, one question should be uppermost in our mind, "Does my support for this person or law serve to build up the sovereignty of the family in our country?"
As it is only fitting, the letter closes with a mention of Jesus Christ in the last judgment. "Is Christ then a judge? Your own actions will judge you in the light of the truth which you know. Fathers and mothers, sons and daughters will be judged according to the Commandments. But ultimately everyone will be judged on love, which is the deepest meaning and the summing up of the Commandments" (no. 22).
The Pope assures us that this love will be measured by how we dealt with Christ in others, "a harvest of grace and good works" (no. 22). He makes specific and moving references to how we might receive Christ in family crisis situations: "I was an abandoned child and you became my family; I was an unborn child, and you welcomed me by letting me be born; I was an orphan, and you adopted me and raised me as one of your children...You helped mothers filled with uncertainty and exposed to wrongful pressure to welcome their unborn child and let it be born," and "you helped large families and families in difficulty to look after and educate the children God gave them" (no. 22).
He also warns us of the situations where the Lord might be able to say: "you did not welcome me!" in rejecting Christ in the abandoned wife or husband or unborn child. This judgment also touches "social institutions, governments, and international organizations" (no. 22).
It is important for Catholic families to read, underline, highlight and, above all, pray about this letter; before Jesus Christ, as their redeemer and judge, they must draw their own conclusions and resolutions as persons, as couples, as families.
It is well to remember, as the Pope tells us, "written testimonies alone, however, will not suffice. Much more important are living testimonies. To the family is entrusted the task of striving, first and foremost, to unleash the forces of good, the source of which is found in Christ, the Redeemer of man. May Mary, Mother of 'fairest love,' and Joseph, Guardian of the Redeemer, accompany us all with their constant protection" (no. 23).
The complete text of Pope John Paul II's Letter to Families is available from the Daughters of Saint Paul in pamphlet form, for $4.25 plus postage, item number 0819844713, phone, 1-800-876-4463.
First appeared in The Catholic Answer Magazine (Our Sunday Visitor Press) in the May/June and July/August 1995 issues.
