How to Get to I Do:
A Dating Guide for Women
by Amy Bonaccorso
Foreward by Father John McCloskey
What's a serious Catholic woman to do... to get to "I do"? Never has it been so difficult to find a man to marry, much less one with whom to share one's faith. The average age of marriage is considerably higher than ever before in the U.S. The median age at first marriage is about 26.5 for women and 28 for men, up from about 20 and 22 in 1970. The culture of rampant promiscuity largely fueled by the availability of contraceptives has left the "Not till marriage" norm in tatters. As many as 70 percent of engaged Catholic couples are "living together" when they sign up for their pre-Cana classes. In earlier and earthier times, that was referred to as "shacking up."
The high level of divorce among Catholics means that many women have grown up witnessing many marital breakups, perhaps even those of their own parents and near relatives. As I can testify from pastoral experience, many thousands of Catholic women who are attractive, pious, intelligent, and well educated and range in age from their late twenties up to 40 and beyond simply cannot seem to find a Catholic spouse. And all the while they hear the inexorable biological ticking clock, mercilessly shortening their time to bear and raise children.
What's a woman to do? Well as a priest, I would say the expected and obvious. Be a woman of prayer who frequents the Sacraments and meditates on Scripture. Follow the teachings of Christ and his Church regarding chastity and modesty to attract the type of man whom you presumably want to meet, fall in love with, marry, and live happily ever after with, hopefully blessed with children, until death do you part. (Yes, it still happens and can happen for you.) And remember that the sacrament of Holy Matrimony not only "ties the knot," but also carries with it the supernatural sanctifying graces towards growth in holiness that Christ intended when he blessed the young couple of Cana with his presence at the beginning of his public ministry.
Many books have been published in the United States on Catholic marriage. This is not at all surprising, given the centrality of this sacrament for the growth of the Church. After all, there are converts by the tens of thousands in our country every year, but the great majority of Catholics come into the world through the marital embrace. At the very moment of conception ensoulment takes place. From that point the child only awaits birth and baptism to become enrolled among the saints who are fortified through life by their membership in the Church and participation in its sacramental "cradle to grave" spiritual health care. However, marriage is not simply a way to populate heaven; it is also divinely ordained as a means for the spouses to grow in mutual holiness. This is a commitment that lasts until "death do us part."
St. Thomas Aquinas, the Angelic Doctor, tells us that achieving happiness is our natural purpose in life: everlasting happiness in heaven and relative happiness in this life. For 98.5 percent of the Church, that relative happiness and at times even bliss is found in a sacramental marriage that is unitive ,open to life, and indissoluble. Marriage is not simply what men and women do to make babies and care for them. It is something much higher, a vocation, a specific call from God to holiness. Along with the spouses' lifelong commitment, the Church provides both natural and supernatural help to reach that goal.
Pope John Paul II had a vast pastoral experience with young people and young couples as a parish priest and college professor before his selection as bishop and then pope. Indeed, throughout his life he kept in touch with many couples whom he had counseled and whose marriage vows he had witnessed. Out of these experiences, he developed his magnificent "Theology of the Body." This almost certainly will be recognized in the future as a true development of doctrine, not only concerning the sacrament of marriage, but also concerning the vocation to celibacy. For John Paul understood both marriage and celibacy as gifts of God and to God.
Having said all that, Amy Bonaccorso, a woman whose entire life through young adulthood was informed by the papacy of John Paul II, brings us to the reason why you picked up this book: to receive concrete advice on how to find a spouse. She does a magnificent and exhaustive job of drawing not only from her vast experience in the "Dating Game," but also from her many conversations with friends and occasionally even her husband. From the first date down to preparations for the marriage ceremony and reception, it is all here, written with deep insight, many personal anecdotes, and good humor. She "found her one parking space." (You will understand this expression when you read the book.) In addition to her intended audience, my guess is that more than a few men will be reading this book with great profit. After all, one of man's perennial questions is "What do women want?" Amy Bonaccorso provides one very good answer.
