The Speech Hillary Longed to Give

by Mark Shea - August 27, 2008

Reprinted with permission.

Scene: The Democratic Convention. Denver, August 26, 2008. HILLARY CLINTON motions her hand to speak.

FIRST CITIZEN.
Stay, ho! and let us hear Hillary.

THIRD CITIZEN.
Let her go up into the public chair;
We'll hear her. – Noble Hillary, go up.

HILLARY.
For Obama's sake, I am beholding to you.

[Goes up, clad in a modest orange pantsuit.]

FOURTH CITIZEN.
What does she say of Obama?

THIRD CITIZEN.
She says, for Obama's sake,
She finds herself beholding to us all.

FOURTH CITIZEN.
'Twere best she speak no harm of Obama here.

FIRST CITIZEN.
These Clintons were tyrants.

THIRD CITIZEN.
Nay, that's certain:
We are blest that the Party is rid of them.

SECOND CITIZEN.
Peace! Let us hear what Hillary can say.

HILLARY.
You gentle Democrats, –

CITIZENS.
Peace, ho! Let us hear her.

HILLARY.
Friends, Democrats, countrymen, lend me your ears;
I come to bury the Clinton Name, not to praise it.
The evil that men do lives after them;
The good is oft interred with their bones:
So let it be with the Clintons. The noble Obama
Hath told you the Clintons were ambitious:
If it were so, it was a grievous fault;
And grievously have we answer'd it.
Here, under leave of Obama and the rest, –
For Obama is an honorable man;
So are they all, all honorable men, –
Come I to speak in my campaign's funeral.
We were your friends, faithful and just to you:
But Obama says we were ambitious;
And Obama is an honorable man.
We have brought much prosperity to America,
Whose ransoms did the general coffers fill:
Did this in the Clintons seem ambitious?
When that the poor have cried, Clintons have wept:
Ambition should be made of sterner stuff:
Yet Obama says we were ambitious;
And Obama is an honorable man.
You all did see that on the Mainstream Media
I thrice presented my philandering husband support,
Which he did thrice accept: was this ambition?
Yet Obama says I am ambitious;
And, sure, he is an honorable man.
I speak not to disprove what Obama spoke,
But here I am to speak what I do know.
You all did love us once, – not without cause:
What cause withholds you, then, to mourn for us? –
O judgment, thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason! – Bear with me;
My career is in the coffin there with the Clinton Legacy,
And I must pause till it come back to me.

FIRST CITIZEN.
Methinks there is much reason in her sayings.

SECOND CITIZEN.
If thou consider rightly of the matter,
The Clintons have had great wrong.

THIRD CITIZEN.
Have they not, masters?
I fear there will a worse come in their place.

FOURTH CITIZEN.
Mark'd ye her words? She did abase herself for Bill;
Therefore 'tis certain she was not ambitious.

FIRST CITIZEN.
If it be found so, some will dear abide it.

SECOND CITIZEN.
Poor soul! Her eyes are red as fire with weeping.

THIRD CITIZEN.
There's not a nobler woman in Denver than Hillary.

FOURTH CITIZEN.
Now mark her; she begins again to speak.

HILLARY.
But yesterday the word of Clinton might
Have stood against the world: now lies our legacy there,
And none so poor to do us reverence.
O masters, if I were disposed to stir
Your hearts and minds to mutiny and rage,
I should do Obama wrong and the DNC wrong,
Who, you all know, are honorable men:
I will not do them wrong; I rather choose
To wrong the dead, to wrong myself, and you,
Than I will wrong such honorable men.
But here's a parchment with the seal of Clinton, –
I found it in a closet, in a box marked Rose Law Firm, – 'tis our campaign promises:
Let but the commons hear this testament, –
Which, pardon me, I do not mean to read, –

FOURTH CITIZEN.
We'll hear the campaign promises: read them, Hillary.

CITIZENS.
The campaign promises, the campaign promises! We will hear the Clintons' campaign promises.

HILLARY.
Have patience, gentle friends, I must not read them;
It is not meet you know how the Clintons loved you.
You are not wood, you are not stones, but men;
And, being men, hearing the campaign promises of the Clintons,
It will inflame you, it will make you mad.
'Tis good you know not that you are our heirs;
For if you should, O, what would come of it!

FOURTH CITIZEN.
Read the campaign promises! We'll hear them, Hillary;
You shall read us the campaign promises, – the Clintons' campaign promises!

HILLARY.
Will you be patient? Will you stay awhile?
I have o'ershot myself to tell you of it:
I fear I wrong the honorable men
Whose daggers have stabb'd my campaign; I do fear it.

FOURTH CITIZEN.
They were traitors: honorable men!

CITIZENS.
The campaign promises!

SECOND CITIZEN.
They were villains, murderers. The campaign promises! Read the campaign promises!

HILLARY.
You will compel me, then, to read the campaign promises?
Then make a ring about the corpse of my campaign,
And let me show you us who made the campaign promises.
Shall I descend? And will you give me leave?

CITIZENS.
Come down.

SECOND CITIZEN.
Descend.

[She comes down.]

THIRD CITIZEN.
You shall have leave.

FOURTH CITIZEN.
A ring! Stand round.

SECOND CITIZEN.
Room for Hillary! – Most noble Hillary!

HILLARY.
If you have tears, prepare to shed them now.

[She removes her blazer and reveals another layer of clothes beneath it, full of slashes and stage blood]

You all do know this pantsuit: I remember
The first time ever I put it on;
'Twas on a Winter's evening, in D.C.,
That day Bill was overcome by the Lewinskii.
Look, in this place ran Kennedy's dagger through:
See what a rent the envious Toni Morrison made:
Through this the well-beloved Obama stabb'd;
And as he pluck'd his cursed steel away,
Mark how the blood of Hillary follow'd it, –
As rushing out of doors, to be resolved
If Obama so unkindly knock'd, or no;
For Obama, as you know, was our angel:
Judge, O you gods, how dearly we loved him!
This was the most unkindest cut of all;
For when we noble Clintons saw him steal the nomination,
Ingratitude, more strong than traitors' arms,
Quite vanquish'd us: then burst our mighty heart;
Whilst bloody treason flourish'd over us.
O, now you weep; and, I perceive, you feel
The dint of pity: these are gracious drops.

FIRST CITIZEN.
O piteous spectacle!

SECOND CITIZEN.
O noble Hillary!

THIRD CITIZEN.
O woeful day!

FOURTH CITIZEN.
O traitors, villains!

FIRST CITIZEN.
O most bloody sight!

SECOND CITIZEN.
We will be revenged.

CITIZENS.
Revenge, – about, – seek, – burn, – fire, – kill, – slay, – let not a
traitor live!

HILLARY.
Stay, countrymen.

FIRST CITIZEN.
Peace there! Hear the noble Hillary.

SECOND CITIZEN.
We'll hear her, we'll follow her, we'll die with her.

HILLARY.
Good friends, sweet friends, let me not stir you up
To such a sudden flood of mutiny.
They that have done this deed are honorable:
What private griefs they have, alas, I know not,
That made them do it; they're wise and honorable,
And will, no doubt, with reasons answer you.
I come not, friends, to steal away your hearts:
I am no orator, as Obama is;
But, as you know me all, a plain blunt woman,
That love my husband Bill; and that they know full well
That gave me public leave to speak of us:
For I have neither wit, nor words, nor worth,
Action, nor utterance, nor the power of speech,
To stir men's blood: I only speak right on;
I tell you that which you yourselves do know;
Show you sweet Clinton's wounds, poor dumb mouths,
And bid them speak for me: but were I Obama,
And Obama Hillary, there were a Hillary
Would ruffle up your spirits, and put a tongue
In every wound of the Clintons, that should move
The stones of Denver to rise and mutiny.

CITIZENS.
We'll mutiny.

FIRST CITIZEN.
We'll burn the house of Obama!

THIRD CITIZEN.
Away, then! Come, seek the conspirators!

HILLARY.
Yet hear me, countrymen; yet hear me speak.

CITIZENS.
Peace, ho! Hear Hillary; most noble Hillary!

HILLARY.
Why, friends, you go to do you know not what.
Wherein hath Clinton thus deserved your loves?
Alas, you know not; I must tell you then:
You have forgot the campaign promises I told you of.

CITIZENS.
Most true; the campaign promises! – Let's stay, and hear the campaign promises.

HILLARY.
Here are the campaign promises, and under the Clintons' seal.
To every American citizen he gives,
To every several man, free health care.

SECOND CITIZEN.
Most noble Hillary! – We'll revenge her campaign.

THIRD CITIZEN.
O, royal Hillary!

HILLARY.
Hear me with patience.

CITIZENS.
Peace, ho!

HILLARY.
Moreover, we would have left you all our environmental regulations,
A thriving economy, Baby Boomers back at the Center of History where we belong,
A first Husband women fantasize about: not some cool egghead,
Unrestricted abortion; the vindication of years of feminist rage,
A return to the glory days of the '90s and a free pony for all!
Here was a Ruling Dynasty! When comes such another?

FIRST CITIZEN.
Never, never!

SECOND CITIZEN.
Go, fetch fire.

THIRD CITIZEN.
Pluck down benches.

FOURTH CITIZEN.
Pluck down forms, windows, any thing.

[Exeunt Citizens, with torches, to go burn down Denver.]

HILLARY.
Now let it work. – Mischief, thou art afoot,
Take thou what course thou wilt!

Mark P. Shea is a senior editor at www.CatholicExchange.com and a columnist for InsideCatholic. Visit his blog at www.markshea.blogspot.com.