The Crown of a Life of Self-Giving

by Fr. Roger J. Landry - September 19, 2008

It is often commented how much our culture needs genuine heroes. These examples of virtue in the midst of ordinary and extraordinary vicissitude lift us up by revealing to us not only what is possible but what is best. This column in fact is devoted to such men and women of the present and of the past who put out into the deep with courage and faith and thereby light the path for the rest of us.

On Monday, at Holy Trinity Church in Gainesville, Virginia, we buried such a hero.

Over the last two weeks, Thomas Vander Woude, 66, has become famous for the way he died. Those who knew him all along, however, have said that his death was just a dramatic culmination of the way he lived — as a soldier, husband, father, farmer, coach and Catholic.

Vander Woude was a pilot during the Vietnam War and later worked for commercial airlines until his retirement six years ago. He and his wife of 43 years, Mary Ellen, moved their family from Georgia to Virginia in the 1980s so that their children — seven sons — would be able to receive a good Catholic education. His eldest son, also Thomas, became a priest of the Diocese of Arlington. His next five sons — Steve, Dan, Bob, Chris and Pat — all married and received as gifts from their parents parcels from the family farm so that they could more easily get a start to their married life and live close home. Their seventh son, Joseph, was particularly special to him, and not just because he was the Benjamin of the family. Josie, 20, had Down Syndrome and was his father's inseparable companion in joyfully doing work around his and neighbors' houses, coaching various sports teams, volunteering at Holy Trinity and so much more.

On September 8, about noon, Josie was cleaning the pool in the family's backyard in Nokesville. As he walked back into the year after having finished the job, he stepped on the 2-by-2 foot cover to the septic tank. It collapsed under him and he plummeted into the tank. His father, who was working in the backyard, ran to his aid. He tried to lift his panicked son out of the almost full eight-foot-deep tank but he couldn't quite grasp him. So the slender, athletic father slid through the opening in order to try to help keep his son from drowning in the sewage long enough for help to arrive.

A workman in their house saw what was happening and notified Mary Ellen, who called 911. They ran to the tank to try to help. Inside the tank, Thomas was treading the sewage trying to keep Josie's head above water and make it possible for the two above ground to lift Josie out by his shirt. "You pull, I'll push" he said, but they couldn't get a sufficient grip.

Thomas then tried something else. He held his breath and submerged himself and headed to the bottom of the tank so that standing he could lift Josie toward the arms reaching for him at the entrance, but those efforts proved futile as well. After 15 minutes, rescue workers arrived and were able to pull both to the surface. Josie was conscious; Thomas was not. All efforts to revive him failed, and a short time later at the hospital he was pronounced dead.

When I first read the story in the Washington Post last Saturday, I couldn't help but look at it within the prism of the Exaltation of the Cross we were about to celebrate. This feast is a celebration of the incredible love of God, who to save us humbled himself, taking on our nature and becoming obedient even to death on a Cross. He entered our septic world, with all its messiness and filth, after with his cross lifted us up to save our lives. No one has greater love that to give his life for another and Thomas Vander Woude loved his son Josie just as Christ loved all of us.

In the days after Thomas' heroic death, the various stories started to come out about his virtuous life. His life was Eucharistic, and not just because he was a daily communicant; each day he sought to give his body, his blood, his sweat and his heart for those around him. His daughter-in-law Maryan said, "He lived sacrificing his life, everything, for his family."

A neighbor, Lee DeBrish, described that he made similar sacrifices for others, too, "He's the kind of guy who would give you the shirt off his back, and if he didn't have one, he'd buy one for you."

This wasn't just an elegiac platitude. Mary Heisler said that when she and her family of 14 moved from Texas to Virginia, her father did not have enough money to purchase a house right away. Vander Woude took the family — of 14 — into his home for a month and then lent them money for a down payment on a home in nearby Manassas. Peter Scheetz, assistant director at the school where the Vander Woude boys attended, added that when he and his wife were married, they did not have any credit to get a mortgage to buy a town house. Vander Woude co-signed a loan for them.

He spent his retirement helping out wherever needed. Without compensation, he served as coach of the boys' soccer and basketball teams at Seton School in Manassas and as athletic director at Christendom College in Front Royal. He won various championships but for him the real goal was to form young athletes in virtue so that they could be successful off the field. "As a coach he was excellent," Seton School director Anne Carroll said, "but he was also a real mentor and real role model. He wanted them to be good young men, not just good players."

At his parish he served as the coordinator and trainer of altar servers. With Mary Ellen ministered to engaged and married couples as teacher-practitioners of Natural Family Planning. From the founding of the parish until the dedication of its new Church almost seven years later, the Vander Woudes set up for Mass each Sunday at Brentsville High School, the only place large enough to host the burgeoning number of Catholics in the area. "They arrived early to set up and stayed late to take down afterwards," Fr. Peffley said. "He would do anything I needed help with around the parish."

He was greatly devoted to the Blessed Virgin Mary and every May would host a huge Marian celebration at his home frequented by hundreds.

His funeral Mass this Monday, September 15, was attended by over 2,000 people, from altar servers, to Seton and Christendom students to the members of families he had helped out in quiet ways over the years. Among the 70 priests in attendance was his eldest son and namesake, who in the funeral homily compared him to St. Joseph, who quietly, humbly and repeatedly sacrificed himself to help his family and others achieve their vocation. The multitudes came to pay their respects to a man who lived an inspirational Christian life. "This guy did something saintly," he son Steve uttered, saying it all.

This sentiment was echoed by Arlington Bishop Paul Loverde, who came to preside at the funeral Mass. His dying act, the prelate said in brief remarks, was "truly saintly." It was "the crown of a whole life of self-giving."

"May we find in his life," he concluded, "inspiration and strength." Yes indeed. And we confidently hope that Thomas Vander Woude now wears a well-deserved imperishable crown.

Father Roger J. Landry is pastor of St. Anthony of Padua in New Bedford, MA and Executive Editor of The Anchor, the weekly newspaper of the Diocese of Fall River.