What Girls Want

by Carol Kennedy of CarolsComments.com

I still struggle when I see young girls on the altar, dressed in their albs. I realize that we supposedly have permission to allow female altar servers, but the sight always causes me a sort of mental twinge, much like the one felt when a musician hits a bad note.

A GRIM PICTURE

I can't help but picture the Vestal Virgins in the ancient Roman temple. It just doesn't seem right to have little girls on the altar. As they stand up there with their high heeled shoes poking out from under their albs, and maybe a hint of make-up on their cheeks I sometimes pity them. They have been pushed out on the wrong side of the nest, like baby birds whose first flight ends with them sprawled on the pavement below. Why such a grim picture? I fear these young products of a society, and Church, overrun by a feminist agenda, are missing out on the sublime beauty of their own unique calling.

The sanctuary isn't the only place where our little girls are being misled about femininity and womanhood. Just watch TV and you will see the message everywhere that the real accomplishment for a girl is to be just like a boy, only better. Constantly, whether in commercials or in TV shows, the girl shows up the boy. This is an especially popular picture when the activity is a typically male dominated one. For example, there was the cigarette ad with the young woman arm wrestling the muscular young man, and of course she is easily winning. This sort of humorous poke at men and their physical strength is all over commercials. And think of the most recent heroes of action films? Who is beating up the bad guy now? Check out Buffy the Vampire Slayer, La Femme Nikita, Dark Angel, Witch Blade, Lara Croft from Tomb Raider, and Xena...just to name a few.

The impression given to our girls is that the real accomplishment in life for a woman is to be better than a man at running, jumping, bicycling, lifting, or boxing. "If you can be beat your man at these things, then you will be a real woman!" Forget the fact that men are, generally speaking, bigger and stronger than women. Forget the fact that even in professional woman's basketball, they use a smaller ball.

"FEMININE GENIUS"

I am not trying to argue that men are "better" than women, nor am I arguing that women shouldn't play sports. I grew up playing sports and it has always been very good for my physical health, not to mention fun. I love competition. But, I know that I can never find any real satisfaction trying to compete with men in the physical arena. And I know that the greatest satisfaction in my life has come from a traditionally female role.

However, for a long time, that phrase "traditionally female role" made me wince. I had to get over the feeling that "traditional" roles are traditional out of habit or happenstance. Rather, they most often are traditional because they correspond to the reality of being male or female, masculine or feminine. As human beings we can only find the every popular "fulfillment" from being who we were created to be. A woman finds fulfillment in being fully Woman or feminine, and a man in being fully Man or masculine. There are some similarities between the aspects of femininity and masculinity. Both involve strength, even physical strength. Both involve intellectual gifts. True femininity and true masculinity both require growth in the virtues, all of them. Yet, this is not to say that they are the same as each other, or that all beings are both masculine and feminine.

I think my recent experience with motherhood has given me a greater appreciation for what the Holy Father calls the "feminine genius". It is not a genius rooted in doing or accomplishing, nor is it rooted in ruling or even protecting. The "feminine genius" is rooted in being, it is rooted in love. The best way to see what femininity is about is to look at the great gift of women to the world, and that is the gift of motherhood.

The eternal soul that plays on the floor next to me has the potential to reach the heights of heaven, or by her choice spend eternity in hell. She would not be here without me. Her father provided part of the blue print for her little body, and the material and the labor came from me. But, most importantly, God gave her a soul at the moment she was conceived. That incredible miracle of creation happened in my body! God worked his greatest work, greater than the creation of the universe, far greater than any accomplishment of man, in my womb! Before I even knew that she was there, He had created a unique, unrepeatable, and eternal human soul whom we now call MaryCatherine. There was nothing for me to do really, except to BE mother to the baby growing in my womb. My yes was given when I consented to the act by which she was conceived and then I simply had to live out that yes by caring for the temporary home that she had been given inside me. Of course, the real work started when she was born.

When we think about the miracle for which a woman's body is made we realize how precious her body really is. In fact, a woman's body is sacred ground in a way that a man's can never be. As I said before, a miracle happens in her womb. And even if that miracle never actually takes place in a particular woman's body, her body was made for that miracle. A woman is, in a far more profound way than a man, what St. Paul refers to as a temple of the Holy Spirit.

THE MOTHER'S ROLE

This, of course, is why women's clothing has traditionally covered more of her body, been more modest so to speak. We veil things that are sacred and a woman's body is sacred. Dresses are the typically feminine dress code. A dress that protects the mystery hidden in a woman's body, that acts as a veil for sacred ground, is always more feminine than a dress that leaves little to the imagination. And feminine dress protects the dignity of a woman.

Our girls are not realizing their own feminine dignity, rather they are led to believe that dignity can only come from filling typically male roles. They are led to believe, by commercials and self-help shows, that girls must be accomplished in sports in order to like themselves. And if they are accomplished in sports, they will have great careers, and then like themselves even more. Certainly women have been oppressed and discriminated against in many cultures and at many times. But the answer to the oppression of women is NOT to make them men. That would be an admission that men are better than women. This is the message that our young girls are getting from movies and TV.

The answer to reaffirming and rediscovering the dignity of women is also not to degrade men. This is the other message girls are getting. "You should be just like the men. And look how stupid they all are!" It is difficult to find a newer TV show that has a male lead that isn't depicted as weaker, dumber, and less virtuous than his female counter part. Even on a supposedly Christian show like 7th Heaven, the father is always wrong, always at fault, and forced to apologize when his wife is mean to him. "Men are so stupid" is often the theme of sitcoms and even commercials.

So what are girls supposed to do? Should they strive to be like men? Who wants to be like men when they are so awful? But, obviously, being just a woman is so inferior.

Herein lies the problem. Typically feminine roles, such as wife and mother, for example, have been so degraded, first by male chauvinists, and now by feminists, that no self-respecting girl would desire them. The answer to the oppression of women is to reaffirm the dignity of the roles they are created for and that are so crucial to society. All of the greatest leaders of the world had mothers, and the quality of their leadership, in most cases, will have a lot to do with how well they were mothered as a child. And every man who ever oppressed a woman also had a mother–did she fall down on the job?

Women have so much power in simply doing the job for which God created them to the very best of their ability. We often hear of the importance of the first few years of life in terms of learning and of character formation. For most of the people of the world, those years are in the hands of their mothers. What would this world look like in a generation if every woman on the face of the earth focused her energies, talents and intellect on the raising of every one of her children so that they will choose virtue over vice as adults. Obviously, everyone has a free will so we won't necessarily have a bunch of perfect saints, but think of how many more holy men and women we would have!

So what do girls really want? Do they want to have fun? Do they want to be men? Do they want to be priests, football players, and soldiers? Maybe, just maybe, girls want to be allowed to be truly feminine and not forced into some asexual or mostly masculine stereotype. Maybe, just maybe, girls really want to be affirmed in their dignity as women, made in the image and likeness of God, whose bodies were created to be the sacred chambers in which God creates the next generation. Maybe, just maybe, girls really want to be told that they have the power within them as mothers to change the world.

In 1997, Carol Kennedy received her MA in Theology with a certification in Catechetics from Franciscan University. She spent the next year teaching catechetical methods at the university. She then moved on to Ann Arbor, Michigan where she worked with the Sisters of Mary, Mother of the Eucharist as the DRE of the Spiritus Sanctus Academies. While in Ann Arbor she met her husband, Jim Kennedy, on the Ave Maria Catholic Singles website. Carol now lives in Northern California with her growing family.